When Arlie and I were married, my first adjustment was learning not to open my own door. He wanted to open the door for me always. He wanted to take the trash out and was adamant about pumping the gas. He would be upset if I were driving somewhere alone and had to get gas and pump it myself. In fact, in the fourteen years we were married, I think I only pumped my own gas a handful of times. That it, until his MS got so bad that it was too hard for him to get out of the car to pump the gas.
For a man like my husband, losing physical ability was devastating not only to his body as it was being decimated, but to his sense of self worth. The only reason we survived this armageddon was because he learned to open up to me. Unfortunately at first he would just stew, watching me load his power chair on the ramp on the back of the truck as I struggled physically and he was sentenced to the confinement of the inside of the truck, only opening up to me when I was apparently at my wits end with him angry after I had extended myself physically to my limit.
One of the best things we did was to see a marriage counselor. She was able to bring us to feeling like we did when we were first married. If you and a loved one are struggling with a degenerative desease like MS I encourage you to give your relationship the gift of seeing a good marriage counselor. No one can get through MS alone, not the patient or the caregiver.
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